This week’s random and unexpected post is in honor of the two new little girls in my life. My cousin Mara gave birth to Audrey Evelyn on August 5th, and Drew’s cousin Ashley (Ella‘s mom) just delivered her third daughter this morning (name pending)!

This is a song that means a lot to me. My father and I danced to it at my Bat Mitzvah, and when I graduated college I gave my parents a photo album with the lyric “These things that we have given you, they are not so easily found, but you can thank us later for the things we’ve handed down.” printed on the front. I hope to sing it to my own babies one day as I rock them to sleep.

Please pardon the actual video…I was more focused on singing the harmony to Marc Cohn playing in the background than what I looked like on camera.

The Things We’ve Handed Down from Mary on Vimeo.

It’s the 5th of the month and I am glad to be participating in Femme Writes again! For more information on this initiative by Shine and Marie, please visit the Femme Writes website.

This month’s Femme Writes topic is abuse, and it’s something I didn’t really think I had any experience with until recently. I still don’t think that I have really ever been abused, but I have witnessed what I consider emotional and verbal abuse for much of the last year.

When my mother first told me the things that my father had said to her, things like “You aren’t the confident, attractive woman I married anymore,” there was no doubt in my mind that his words constituted abuse, and I told her as much. For months, he continued to belittle and mistreat her under the guise of “being honest.” In his mind, he was telling the truth, but in reality he was taking advantage of her and his treatment of her was completely out of line.

The thing about abuse is, intent is irrelevant. Whether you mean to hurt the other person or not has little to do with how your actions affect them. My father made my mother feel awful about herself, and that is abuse. He strung her along and used her for his personal gain and then left her, abusing not just her emotions but the power that gave him over her.

I never considered my father to be an abusive person before these events. I still don’t, if I’m being honest. But there is no question for me that what he did to my mother was abuse. It has taught me even people you consider to be “good” or “honest” or “loving” people can commit abusive acts, and they shouldn’t be forgiven or given the benefit of the doubt simply because you didn’t expect it from them. Abuse doesn’t have to leave physical evidence to be painful.

Dudes. Things you should never do: invite out-of-town bloggers to the kickball bar. OG was in town yesterday and let’s just say I didn’t go home til the bar closed. The worst part is that it was his Dallas-resident roommate who did most of the damage. But it was awesome to meet him and I think he’s having fun here (aside from the extra long walk to Frankie’s…sorry, OG!).

Anyway. The moral of the story is that it’s Wednesday morning and my head aches and I want a greasy bacon, egg and cheese bagel in the worst way right now. But I ate a bagel thin and I’m downing water and damned if I’m gonna ruin all the hard work I did last week for a freaking Seminole (go read his blog, it will make sense). What hard work? Why let me show you it.

Starting Weight (7/21/10): 146.6 lbs
Last Week’s Weight: 145.0 lbs
Current Weight: 142.6 lbs
This Week’s Loss: -2.4 lbs
Net Difference: -4.0 lbs

How ’bout them apples?! I have this theory about weighing after a night of heavy-ish drinking…the scale is always obscenely low. Maybe because you’re dehydrated? I don’t know. Regardless, I’ll take it! Down 4 lbs in 2 weeks? I would be nuts to complain.

I was really good last week. I tracked all my calories, did all my workouts and was really well behaved even when I ate out. I worked hard for those 2+ lbs and I hope to keep working hard for a few more. Right after I crawl under my desk and take a nap/4-12 Tylenol (not really! I only took 2.)

Last Thursday was my dad’s 60th birthday. On Friday, he threw himself a re-election/60th birthday bash at a local bar, mostly as an excuse to get his band together to play (he’s the second one from the left). My brother and I agreed to attend, and even managed to talk our significant others into joining us (because they are angels, they didn’t even complain).

In case you’re new here, my dad moved out a little less than a year ago. Though he denied it for some time, he eventually admitted to my mother that he had cheated on her with a woman much younger than she. My mom had figured out who it was, and having been confronted countless times, he finally gave in and confirmed her suspicions. He later told her that she had broken up with him and that he was pretty beaten up about it. He told my mom that if this homewrecker would have him, he would take her back in a second.

So there’s this woman, and she was a contributing factor in the demise of my parents’ marriage. And then she “broke my dad’s heart.”

We got through most of the party Friday night uneventfully. CKB and I went early to decorate and returned later just in time for the band’s first set. My brother and his girlfriend weren’t far behind. We were really having a lot of fun, chatting and dancing and drinking.

It was shortly into the band’s second set that my brother looked at me pointedly and said “That’s her. In the black and white tube top.” I turned around to check it out, and sure enough it was. A few minutes of over the shoulder glances and whispers amongst the four of us and my grandfather wanted to know what was up. We pointed her out. “That’s her.” he said. “I’ve seen a picture.”

We stayed for another hour or so.  The Other Woman sat down at the table right behind us after prancing around a bit, despite the fact that there were quite a few tables open. She draped herself all over the guy she’d clearly brought to make my dad jealous. The new man seemed disinterested, but I’m sure she was oblivious. Shortly before we left she walked up onto the stage to talk to my dad as they were tearing down. We’d had enough and decided to move on to another bar, just the four of us.

Later that night, after way too many beers and a really stupid fight with CKB, I melted down entirely. There was something about seeing her that was such a slap in the face. I was surprised by how much I hated her without having said a word to her. Not just because she played a role in the divorce, but because she then left my father and showed up with another man to his party.

Who does that? Who seduces an older, less attractive married man and then dumps him when leaves his wife? Then shows up to his birthday party six months later with another man on her arm to make him jealous? My mom said that she’d heard that the woman is batshit crazy, but seriously? She’s in her 40s and she’s running around acting like a self-indulged slut. Maybe sleeping with him I could understand, but the rest of it is just such bullshit. Grow up, bitch. And back the hell off my family.

CKB came over for a little while last night just to hang out. When he arrived, I had the Texas Rangers (baseball) game on, so he snuggled up next to me to watch it. After about ten minutes, he looked at me and said,

“You know what I like about you?”
“What’s that?”
“That you would rather have the Rangers game on than the Jersey Shore or some other show like that.”
“I would turn on a minor league baseball game between two teams I’ve never heard of before I would watch that crap.”
“Exactly! That’s why I love you.”

And the thing about minor league baseball? I meant it. I would choose sports or police dramas over bad reality television any day. I can’t watch American Idol until the Top Ten (and I don’t usually watch it even then) because I can’t stand the people who are awful, it is physically painful for me to watch. Shows like 16 and Pregnant and Toddlers in Tiaras literally make my skin crawl and generate a rage in me the likes of which are not often seen. I have a hard time watching total train wrecks like Jersey Shore because 1) there is no reality in “reality” television and 2) I do not find other people’s idiocy entertaining. Kate + 8? How about you focus on raising your damn kids.

I don’t understand how people are so obsessed with/addicted to shows like this. I don’t understand why we put these crazy “characters” on pedestals and make them into celebrities when, really, who gives a shit? It holds zero appeal for me. I just don’t care.

So it’s no secret that, while I consider myself a pretty reliable person when it comes to doing things for others, I’m flat out awful at sticking to any kind of plan for my own self-improvement. Whether it’s related to my physical, mental, or emotional well-being, it never seems to stay a priority for long.

I attribute part of this to a complete inability to take my time and allow myself a period for adjustment and “mistakes.” I always want to dive right in, changing too many things at once and setting myself up for failure. Logically, I know all the goal-setting techniques to get me there, I just…completely ignore them. This has always been especially true for any attempts I’ve made to improve my health and fitness (and maybe lose a few lbs in the process). I may pull it off for a few weeks, but I always end up at the other end of the pendulum, completely undoing any good I might have done.

That being said, it’s time to fix it. Despite the fact that things have been going pretty well in my little world, I spend a lot of days feeling like garbage. A terrible diet and a complete lack of physical activity are almost certainly to blame for a large part of that, and I’m pretty sick of it. Not to mention that my budget (i.e. another thing I’m going to have to learn to stick to) can’t handle any more eating-out-twice-a-day months.

I found a copy of The Spark (the book written by the founder of SparkPeople) at Half-Price Books over the weekend. So far, it’s an excellent guide to making big changes in your life by starting small. I have started using its strategies, along with their website (username FitMary25, add me!), to begin tracking my food and exercise, setting goals and achieving them.

A lot of the strategies in the book focus on staying motivated (by far my biggest challenge). One of them encourages you to use visual reminders of your progress and another recommends sharing your goals with others. So without further ado (cause there’s already been plenty :p), I’ll be participating in Weigh In Wednesdays along with Tabitha and many others:

Starting Weight (7/21/10): 146.6 lbs
Last Week’s Weight: 146.6 lbs
Current Weight: 145.0 lbs
This Week’s Loss: -1.6 lbs
Net Difference: -1.6 lbs

So far so good! I always tend to drop at least a lb when I start something like this simply because I’m actually drinking enough water. Not to mention last week I had an unwelcome visitor who tends to bring a little extra weight with her.

Currently I’m attempting to track all my calories in the website, as well as my exercise. I found a cool 28-Day workout plan on ExerciseTV that uses free workout videos on their site for the first 14 days,  so I have some time to try it out before I pay $15 for the rest of the videos. I’m on Day 3 (which is a rest day, yay!) and so far I like it a lot.

I love the feeling of being active again and I feel more empowered than ever to really try and make this stick. Here’s to staying on the wagon!

Today is Tuesday, and for 2.5 years now, Tuesday means kickball. What started as a totally-out-of-my-comfort-zone effort to meet some new people after moving back to Dallas has developed into the center of my social circle. It’s where I’ve met some of my favorite friends (and my boyfriend!). I started playing as the baby in the league at 22 years old and now I’m a “veteran” and can’t believe how young the new teams are.

In almost 7 full seasons of this ridiculous game, winning has only really been a realistic goal for 2 of them. I played on one of the worst teams of all time for my first 3 seasons…but we were FUN. Everybody loved to play us, with out stripper nicknames and crazy antics. After taking a season off to prevent death by hypothermia (shut up, it gets cold here too), I returned to a different team and made even more new friends. Two seasons of mergers and acquisitions later, and we actually made it through the regular 8-game season…undefeated.

If you’d asked me in my first season if I ever believed I would play on an undefeated team, I would have laughed in your face and handed you a jello shot.

This week starts the playoffs, and we are the team to beat. I’m not real sure what to do with myself. Former champions and members of the second place team have been pointing out all week that the undefeated team has only ever won a championship once in 4 years of Liberty kickball. It’s a “curse” they say. I’ll  be ecstatic if we can win 2 playoff games (trumping my record 1 playoff win last season).

This kickball season hasn’t been my favorite in a lot of ways. I hate the bar, there are too many teams, not enough head refs, blah blah blah. They will have to move to a new field next season and I don’t think I’ll be back (on Tuesdays, I’m totally going to switch to Thursdays though). Regardless, I will always remember Summer 2010 as the season that Two Girls came out on top.

Well, that went well huh? The good news is, I have been absent from this blog for nearly 2 months because I’ve been busy actually enjoying my life. I know, I can’t believe it either. What have I been up to? Well…

First, I got a new job! It’s significantly closer to home (and I can commute on the DART rail!), I got a substantial raise with the move and it is basically a promotion from my previous job with a company that, like, actually knows what they want me to do day in and day out. I will have been here a month this week and I am loving it. My co-workers are awesome, the work is challenging and I am learning a ton, and I don’t have to commute 50+ miles daily! My poor little car couldn’t be happier.

Second, CKB got a new job! We actually both received job offers about an hour apart on the same Friday (he’d been interviewing for his position for almost a month while I had applied for my position that Monday!). We should have gone out and purchased a lottery ticket. He will be working for a small university here in Dallas in their Admissions department (and earning his MBA tuition-free). While he lengthened his commute a little, he also increased his salary substantially and will be looking to move into his own place a little closer to work in the next few months.

(Side note: A time when we do not both live with our parents is suddenly on the horizon! In addition to Drew’s intentions, my mom is in the process of listing her house, which means that I will need a place of my own in the near-ish future as well. Thank god I got a raise!)

Third, things have been going really well with CKB. A lot of the struggles we were having early in our relationship have worked themselves out and I couldn’t be more pleased. Don’t misunderstand me, there is still plenty of stuff to figure out and work on, but the obstacles I though early-on would be insurmountable have started crumbling and suddenly the outlook on a future for us seems much brighter. I’m sure it doesn’t hurt that super tight budgets and a job I loathed are in the rear view mirror.

Finally, my brother…you know, the crazy one…has been a fucking god-send. I never thought that he was capable of being so…thoughtful? helpful? supportive?…awesome. Just….awesome. Despite my temper tantrum that he not be allowed to move into the house, he has been “perching” (vs. nesting, according to my mother) with us for a while now, and much to my surprise he has been the glue holding things relatively together since he’s been around. He’s not perfect and I still worry daily that the sky will cave in like it always does, but right now? I’ m just grateful. For his company, his help, his willingness to pitch in and the break he has given me from a situation that was turning toxic pretty quickly.

Life is good, y’all. I’m not too sure what to do with myself.

I love this one. It’s absolutely true for me. I know there are a lot of people who don’t like change, but I’m not one of them. From hobbies to jobs and even relationships, I’ve always been big on change. Maybe I’m a little restless, maybe I get bored too easily, maybe I have commitment issues, I’m not sure. But I love change.

I can’t leave my hair alone. If I’m not cutting it off, I’m dyeing it a new color. I can’t leave my furniture arranged the same way for more than 6 months at a time. I had 5 different jobs in my first 2 years out of college. I’m constantly “taking up” new hobbies and starting projects I’ll never finish. I need new and fresh and challenging.

Why? I’m really not sure. Even before I turned my life upside down at the end of my junior year of college, I had many of the same habits. I think it has a little bit to do with boredom – I can’t stand to do the same things day in and day out for extended periods of time. The only place the opposite holds true is relationships – I’ve been known to hold onto those for way too long. But even so, I sometimes think I seek out or make up challenges in an effort to “keep things fresh.”

Sometimes I think that I make things less appealing to justify the need to move on. Where is the balance between reliability and flexibility? Will I ever be content with something long term? I don’t know. It’s scary to think about.

This one has a lot of different meanings, in my mind. It’s not just about being “in” for the challenge of completing the Joy Equation. It’s about being “in” for the challenge of participating in my life instead of just floating through it, of going out and doing instead of sitting back and dealing.

I want to say “yes” when my friends invite me out. I want to be up to the challenge of finding new ways to expand my horizons and entertain myself. I want to go out and do, even when I don’t feel like it, because I almost never feel like it but I never regret going out anyway when I can make myself do it.

I want to instigate, initiate, start my own projects and FINISH them. I don’t want to just take what gets thrown at me, I want to go out and find things that I never knew I needed. I want to live with intent, do new things, see new places. I want to be present in the good moments and reduce the number of bad ones.

So yeah, I’m in. In and up for the challenge. Bring it on.