Pregnancy: DO NOT WANT

(I have set up a separate page on this website where I will post updates about Ella. Please check there if you are curious on her progress…it’s linked in the upper right-hand corner of this page.)

Birth control is my friend. I have been taking it in some form now for 12+ years, since WAY before I was sexually active, and if you told me tomorrow that it will kill me I would probably keep taking it anyway. Not just because it keeps me from getting pregnant (but THANK GOD it keeps me from getting pregnant!), but because my body without hormonal regulation acts as if Satan lives in my womb and spends 3/4 of the month pummeling my insides and addling my brain. It’s not pretty.

So yes. I have quite a bit of experience with those little pills (and briefly the patches…was not a fan). I’ve read the instructions more than once (usually in a panic because omgimissedonenowwhat?!) and I consider myself pretty educated on the subject. It’s something I think all women and the men who hope not to impregnate them should understand.

I personally set an alarm on my phone everyday because, I’m not going to lie to you, I would completely forget to take it at least twice a week if my phone didn’t scream at me daily to do it. Not because I wouldn’t think of it at some point or another (or several), but because I have a tendency to completely forget what I was doing in the 30+ seconds it might take me to 1) stop what I was doing when I thought of it, 2) remove it from my purse and 3) actually take it.

On weekends, however, I sometimes silence the alarm and tell myself I will get up and do it in a second, and then what ends up happening is see above. Put that process on repeat throughout the day, until finally I actually go do it. Isn’t it funny how we KNOW we do these things, and yet we continue to do them anway? No? Shut up.

ANYWAY. I discovered yesterday when my phone dutifully clanged its church bells at me (I picked it because it’s loud, I realize it’s slightly ironic) and I pulled that little blue packet out of my purse that I was on Wednesday’s pill. On Tuesday. Which means I must have taken two in one day at some point, most likely on the weekend when I remembered and actually forced myself to act not once, but twice! I’m actually rather impressed with myself.

So I’m chatting with CKB online and decide to share this funny little anecdote with him. What followed was, in my opinion, pretty funny:

“So apparently I took two birth control pills in one day at some point this month because I just realized I’m a day ahead.”
“Uh oh…what are you going to do?”
“Well I only have a few left in this pack anyway. I guess I’ll just start the next one a day earlier.”
“Don’t you mean a day late?”
“No…I took Wednesday’s pill on Tuesday. I usually start on Friday, but this time I’ll be out of pills on Thursday. A day early.”
“Well when are you going to catch up?”
“I’m not. It’s better to take two in one day than none at all for a day, trust me.”
“OK, you’re the boss. But then you’d have to take two in one day for a whole month to catch up.”
“Babe. The day doesn’t matter, the important part is taking 3 weeks of hormone pills and one week of placebos. The actual day is irrelevant.”
“If you say so.”

Now, while I thought this was cute and kind of endearing, I’m going to get on my soapbox for just a second. I don’t understand why we let men get away with being so oblivious on this subject. Not just birth control, but pregnancy in general. How are they supposed to be responsible sex partners if they don’t understand the mechanics of the female reproductive system and how birth control affects it? I know it’s not a FUN conversation, but I think it’s important. The woman shouldn’t be solely responsible for ensuring that these things are handled.

(Anecdotal side note: Old School Bestie’s boyfriend is very responsible in this regard. Every day when her alarm goes off, he says “It’s baby killin’ time!” and if he misses the alarm, he checks before bed to be sure she took her “baby killer.” Morbid? Yes. Hilarious? Absolutely.)