TMIT: Treasure Chest

***Alright, folks, you know the rules. Join us all in humiliating the crap out of yourself every Thursday by sharing some completely tasteless, wholly unclassy, “how many readers can I estrange THIS week??” TMI story about your life. Or hell, about someone else’s!***

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I dated a guy right after I graduated college, we’ll call him Sexy Jew Boy, who was still an undergrad at a university in Missouri. We’d known each other in high school and reconnected when he came to visit that winter.

In an effort to try and figure out whether we even liked each other for more than a weekend at a time, SJB made plans to come live with me that summer in Austin. We spent the first month of it living in my 385 square foot efficiency that was so small you had to lift the toilet seat to close the bathroom door. We spent the second month of it playing house in a badass house in downtown Austin for a family whose children attended the preschool where I’d worked. They were spending a month in Germany and had asked if I would be willing to housesit.

We stayed in the master bedroom while we were there, and one of the first things we noticed in said bedroom was a storage chest that was “locked” with a zip tie. Clearly, of all the things they’d offered us free access to in the house, this chest was not to be touched.

So, of course, we were dying to open it. The fact that it was sealed with simply a zip tie made it that much more enticing, as we wouldn’t have to locate a key or anything. But being slightly paranoid and reformed “good kids,” we were a little too concerned with getting caught to try it.

Or so I thought. Until I came home from work one day and SJB was like “OK, don’t judge me, but I opened the chest.” To which I replied “WITHOUT ME? WHAT THE HELL?!”

Now, SJB is studying to be a doctor and is very detail oriented and meticulous. He didn’t just cut the zip tie off and go at this thing all willy-nilly. Oh no. He measured the length of the “tail” on the zip tie and then photographed the contents before removing them so that he could be sure to put everything back exactly as it was. I can’t remember whether he’d found an identical zip tie to replace the one locking it or figured out some way to “unlock” the one that was in there. Either way, he got that sucker open.

And what do you think he found? Sex toys of course! Not just toys though, I’m pretty sure there were movies and lube and…naked photographs of the mother of the house. Maybe a school girl outfit as well? My memory is foggy. Perhaps because I DIDN’T GET TO SEE. I am so freakin’ pissed he opened it without me.

He reads this blog from time to time…maybe he’ll delurk and clarify in the comments…?