Alright, folks, you know the rules. Join us all in humiliating the crap out of yourself every Thursday by sharing some completely tasteless, wholly unclassy, “how many readers can I estrange THIS week??” TMI story about your life. Or hell, about someone else’s!
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Alright y’all, I’m finally writing that TMI post I’ve been promising you for two weeks now. It’s worth the wait, trust.
So my parents are separated and my dad moved out back in October. More recently, my mom has really started making an effort to be more OK with being alone. While she really struggled initially, she is finally starting to do things on her own and gets significantly less weepy about not having a partner for various activities.
I have been an integral part of her “recovery” from Day 1. I’ve been the one person in her corner telling her that she’s too good for him, that she’ll be fine on her own, that he’s a lying sack of horseshit and she doesn’t need him (OK, not usually quite so…angry…but you get the idea). As a result, she has gotten very comfortable with sharing very intimate details about herself and her relationship with my father.
Now I am very “mind over matter” when it comes to situations or subjects that might make other people uncomfortable. Do I really want to hear about my parents’ sex life? Absolutely not. But am I going to look at my mom when she shares these kinds of details and go “MOOOOM! GROSS!” No sir. I am the cool daughter who comes right back at her with details of my own sex life. Do not challenge me.
So I’m over there a couple weeks ago, and my mom is filling me in on the latest drama and her day. And then she says “Oh! I have to show you my new purchase!” so I follow her back to the bedroom, thinking we’re talking a new blazer or some jewelry or something.
Until she reaches into her dresser drawer and pulls out a black silk bag, from which she removes the fanciest vibrator I’ve ever seen.
I’ll just let that sink in.
So here my mom is, wielding this silicone plaything and telling me all about how the woman at the shop convinced her that this was the one she needed. The Rolls Royce of vibrators. She paid $100 for it.
A $100 vibrator.
And then she turned it on. So she’s dicking with the controls (HA! Pun totally intended), trying to explain to me all the different stuff it does, when she turns to me and goes “Here! Feel it!”
I said no thanks and smiled and nodded my way through the rest of her “sales pitch” before she ends the conversation by telling me that “Your Daddy wasn’t amused when I showed it to him.”
I just…there are no words. I nearly dropped dead. So very many mental pictures. DO. NOT. WANT.
And now you’re thinking about YOUR mom with a vibrator. Feels better to spread the love. Was it worth the wait?
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I actually was not thinking that until you forced it upon me. Thank you for that last sentence.
You know.
There are a lot of people who write “Too much Information” posts that are about, I don’t know, mundane stuff. I’ve got a blister on my foot. I walked into a parked car. Silly, stupid stuff that isn’t “Too much information.”
This is, truly, a legitimate bit of TMI. Like. Seriously. Wow.
And that? Floating away?
Is my appetite. FOR THE ENTIRE DAY. (This is not a bad thing).
Umm, WOW. Just, wow. The most I’ve ever spent on a “silicone plaything” (love that verbage, btw) is $65. And it was the best $65 I’ve ever spent. TMI? Oops.
*fingers in ears*
lalalalalalalala
At least she didn’t show you how she used it?
I went through that with my mom. I really didn’t want to hear it. I am still scarred to this day.
when I was like 15 I found my mom’s vibe so yeah I’m immune now.
So we’re cleaning out the MIL’s old house (her bedroom that she had not slept in for a couple of years for various reasons) , and the 9 y.o. boy finds a “Hitachi Personal Massager” with a dead battery. “Mom, what is it?” “Nothing honey. Give it to me.” says my wife. She tells me about it and throws it away. I say “I’ll bet she wants that…” The wife says “I’m sure she’s forgotten about it.” Well, MIL comes in, knowing which room we are cleaning, and enlists the boys on some mission with a flashlight. Yep, she’s looking for the little buzzer. She wants it back…after two years. I hate to say I told you so, honey.
EWWWWW. I don’t like to think about my parents being sexual beings AT all. That being said, I once found one in my mom’s drawer, and thought for many yrs that it was a back massager. I wish i didn’t know the truth.
I totally imagined my mum talking to me about a vibrator.
Now that I’m getting older and stuff, my mom also gets cheekier about stuff like that. I’m sure I’ll get to hear weird things in the future. I’m not really sure I’m comfortable with that really.
I saw a porn that started out JUST like that once.
Minus the part where you stabbed out your own eyes.
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